Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good! Under these circumstances, it’s normal to wonder how to talk an ex again and what to say; What subjects are good and which ones should you avoid in order to put the odds in your favor? Notice I said HIM, not you. we had an interesting relationship, it started out mostly physical then developed into something more but In truth, most breakups are unexpected and change your daily life overnight. Don’t wait for her to actually say “let’s talk.” or “let’s meet.” No. © 2020 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. You can't let new energy in. The idea of talking about the breakup with your ex isn’t always the worst thing you could do, but let’s be clear; it’s definitely not the best idea unless you have a clear plan. What you do need to do is to give your ex a new image of you; the new and improved version of you. The best way to get your ex back is to give him a chance to miss you! In order to get an ex back after a long breakup, you’ll have to use some specific techniques because when months have passed, the methods you need will as well. Nevertheless, it’s hard to set aside the relationship you had as long as your feelings for your ex are still present… Please remember: this is especially true if you get back in touch soon after the breakup. While certain clues can be deciphered from your ex's text messages, keep in … “Oddly, I stay in touch with his family but not him. Again, don't respond if you're currently drinking.Â If you're happy and it doesn't hurt you to talk to your ex, then do it.Â If you're happy, but it still hurts to talk to your ex, don't do it. If you’re the one who has been initiating contact, your ex starting to initiate … You have managed to go a … A few years ago this advice could have been handy! If you can show your ex that you’re able to keep your cool and that you’re more attentive, you’re completing the first step to meeting their expectations, and you’ll be sending a strong message. I found out she doesn't actually hate me. This way you can kill two birds with one stone. Don’t let this heartache control your life, because letting yourself become depressed won’t help anything. There was a crack in your relationship and now you have to construct a new story so make sure you’re not living in the past. The memories are painful and the breakup is maybe still fresh so you have to create a new atmosphere in which you can rebuild as a solid couple. With positivity. It doesn’t matter if your ex texts you back or asks you how you’re doing, etc… when I say no contact, I really do mean NO CONTACT. 4. If your relationship ended because there was abuse or you felt that you were in danger, it may be best to avoid contact. These are the things that were stopping you from making the person you love happy. Don't text if it's not going to be helpful for you both. That said; you have to be careful with how you present this. The complete step by step guide to get back together with an ex! Base your conversation then on one of these 5 subjects: 1. While you may want to speak to your ex immediately following a break up, it’s important to wait until you’re strong enough to listen and to analyze your ex’s words even if they’re hurtful. We’re excited to help you, too! Some were even friends with him, too. Trying to guilt them into reconsidering the relationship can end up pushing them further away. anger, frustration, disappointment). The idea isn’t to talk about your relationship but rather to talk about that special moment you shared to help you reconnect. They were … After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need “an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.” To respond or to ignore: That is the question Know that you have every right to ignore a text from your ex — especially if replying will put your mental health or … By doing so you can talk about the practical aspects of your breakup such as who keeps the cat and who gets the car. It goes without saying that these aren’t the only things that you can talk about and based on your situation, you can choose all kinds of things to chat about. For now, only bring up the things that you know you two will agree on! For the vast majority (over 90 percent), this communication began within a couple of months of the breakup and continued to occur at least once every couple of months. They were … All Rights Reserved. It’s important to communicate that you’ve understood and accepted what lead to the breakup and that you’ve been able to analyze the issues and begin to make improvements. Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex, analyze your ex’s words even if they’re hurtful. It's just nice and very relieving to be able to talk about and clear up a few things that you couldn't in the immediate aftermath. Version two, on the other hand, does! No ‘my place-your place’ date, just a visit to an art gallery … By Karen Schneider. Ideally, you should avoid talking about contentious topics during the initial painful period for the sake of both of you. Talk about your new activities and your personal reconstruction. I know it’s not easy to find a topic because you’re often afraid of fanning the flames. I mean, version one has nothing new to bring to the table. Hi, Carolyn: My ex-boyfriend and I agreed upon a no-contact rule when we split so we could … Ideally, you should only reach out if you really … After you send this, you MUST engage in no-contact (preferably for 30+ days). That said, “communication” doesn’t mean that all topics are fair game when you’re talking to your ex and want them back. Is some event coming up where there will be mutual friends and a chance you might run into each other? If you don’t, be patient and give your ex more time. As your ex, they may … How can your guy miss you if you’re always around? If you're happy and it doesn't hurt you to talk to your ex, then do it. With a sigh and a roll of your eyes, you begin mentally trying out different excuses for why you're not there yet. It’s only natural that when a guy has been waiting 2 months to hear from his ex, he’s going to be very excited when she start talking to him again. You’ve got to avoid fights, and don’t bring up bad memories either, especially if you’re starting to reconnect post-breakup! "We went out for coffee, and he asked if we could be friends. Because you’ve just gone through a period of no contact and haven’t talked to your ex in a while, across the bow texts are a simple way to open the lines of communication without putting pressure on your ex. Now, seven or eight months later, by coincidence we got back into talking after complete silence. Even if you get back together, the new relationship won’t have a solid foundation. She start to talk to this Ex all of a sudden, after few years we start to date voice calls, video chat, she won’t pick his calls why with me, i challenged her and all she can do is flair up and saying I’m too jealous.. She had many ex and I asked her why talking to this particular one, she answered he was the one he liked most.. Do you respond, do you ignore him? The best is still to avoid talking about any of this and to focus on subjects that have nothing to do with the breakup. In such a moment, you are not likely to wish them back in your life, but goodness, exes do come back when you are not expecting them to. You wake up feeling totally elated. Be a positive person. It's just nice and very relieving to be able to talk about and clear up a few things that you couldn't in the immediate aftermath. Even though the methods vary, there is one thing that is universally true in all of the advice columns out there: Do not contact your ex after a breakup. It's been months since you've heard anything from him. 3. Avoid talking about new people you’ve met or the fact that people are hitting on you left and right. During your no contact period, when you are calm, confident, and collected, here’s what you should do: Think about what you know about your ex, and make a list of things that will engage him. 2 thoughts on “ What to Do When Your Ex Emails You After 10 Years ” October 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm Sean . To start a conversation with your ex, you have to choose a subject that they will like. To take it a step further, you can show your ex that you’ve started to do things that put an end to these negative elements. In truth, if you’re too direct when you two talk, your ex will know what’s up. As human beings, communication is crucial because it allows us to express ourselves to one another. After a certain period of time, your ex’s memories get blurred, and you start getting over them with an ambition to find someone better. 4. One temptation we encounter, especially soon after a breakup, is talking about an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend on a date with someone new. Then, you look down at your phone, and your heart is somehow in your throat, and at the bottom of your stomach at the same exact time. Most relationships can be salvaged, even months or years after a bad breakup.. Not all relationships can be salvaged but most can. I found out she doesn't actually hate me. There is residual anger from the breakup. I’d like to see you… when are you free to get together?” One of the most common issues that arise when people are working on getting back together is a lack of patience. Here are some subjects concerning the breakup that you can talk about with your ex: 1. We’re going to focus on the reasons why it’s important to have dialogue with your ex when you want to have a successful attempt at getting back together. After a breakup, you feel awful and completely lost. Be very subtle, otherwise it could turn against you. Though I talk about how long you should stay in no contact, many people I speak with break because they believe that contacting their ex will cause something to happen.. Or they fear that their ex has forgotten them during no contact.. Not if he’s a stupid asshole.View post. You’re going through a tough period. One way to attempt to resolve any anger, confusion, or hurt you may be experiencing is by contacting your ex and attempting to have a "closure talk." Yet, rather than just call her on the phone or meet up with her in person where he can spark her feelings for him and start getting her back, he instead agonizes over her text messages, in the hope that he can get a clue about her true feelings for him. In January 2009 my ex boyfriend of nine months broke up with me when i didn't expect it. One of the more obvious signs your ex … Don’t try to reason with your ex to be with you. It's almost the weekend and you're getting ready to head out and meet the girls for dinner and a few cocktails. obviously these choices created tension between the two of them and we decided it best to end it. For example, talk about one of their passions. I’ve coached countless people who were very close to sealing the deal only to see most of their efforts go to waste because of a single moment of weakness during a conversation with their ex! Make a decision on how/if you want to respond after thinking it through.Â This applies that much more if you have ingested any alcohol! We actually put a lot of emphasis on the psychological aspect of the process; so let me remind you of the importance of analysis. I wish you a good conversation with your ex and don’t forget to ease tensions! It’s crucial to understand what your ex wants if you want to meet their expectations. Or, maybe you're happy, but you don't see anything good coming out of talking to him; you might be better off not responding. Another reason why your ex won’t talk to you after the breakup even if it’s been months is … One great thing about the no contact rule is … Don’t just bring up any subject with your ex. Yeah, that one, the guy whoÂ ripped your heart out and then stomped on it -- and then was adamant about how he wanted to "stay friends." One of the most common reasons for reconnecting with an ex is "closure," but few people actually get it when talking to their ex. The key is to approach it with a clear head and make a choice that you're comfortable with. One temptation we encounter, especially soon after a breakup, is talking about an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend on a date with someone new. Initiating contact. By the way, when you’re talking with an ex, be careful to never harass them! Reviewing the situation and looking inside yourself are essential for no longer making the same mistakes. If this isn’t the case, you have to think about making it so in order to take a step back to gain an unbiased perspective and to give your ex some space to breathe. Today, they’re still together. One great thing about the no contact rule is … Your friends are the ones who helped to pick up your broken pieces after your breakup. Sometimes you have to be a bit of a manipulator with your ex and you can talk about the future. You can also explain that other couples have gone through breakups as well and are able to bounce back and start over. We’ve helped thousands of people achieve this. It makes total sense when you think about it. Before considering contact with an ex after having no contact, it is important to remember why you parted ways in the first place. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. Can you give me the full truth? Things are going really well for you lately: you just got a promotion, you even met a new guy. Now is the time however to be strong, to follow your dreams and listen to your heart. As I explain in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex, communication is the very foundation of a solid couple and if it wasn’t strong up until now then you have to make an effort. Your ex maintains contact with you when they don’t have to. How can your guy miss you if you’re always around? I’m going to outline the subjects you can talk about with your ex, after the no contact or right after the separation! Whether your ex broke your heart or just influenced your life, you are a different person at the end of each relationship. If your ex texts you and you're happy now, and don't really care about what happened, then you might not mind starting a casual convo. This is exactly why it’s so important to put things into perspective and talk about the breakup with your ex. Breaking up has created various roadblocks, but you’re going to break them down one by one and once again achieve natural and pleasant conversation. How should you respond? Brandon, a client I’ve been working with for about 7 months, used the above approach and it worked like a charm. "I once reached out to a guy six months after he ghosted me," she says. "You realize that you will rarely get the 'closure' (the holy grail) that people speak of," Meg Josephson, LCSW, told INSIDER. Instead, when your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time… assume it’s because she misses you… and wants to see you… and then make a date. It makes total sense when you think about it. Ultimately, you have to think about the end result that you want out of the situation. 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